Guys:
I just addressed the girls alone, for an entire chapter. Now it's
just us, get a clue. Ask somebody out besides Emma and Harper.
Demonstrate leadership. You become more than the sum of your parts
if you have direction. If you don't have direction, ask yourself,
“Why?” What goals do you really have? How are you moving to
accomplish these?
Cameron
appears to be on a path to become an NFL star. The reason the Chess
Club President is not attractive, is that a girl sees chess as an
advertisement that he will be competing with her intellectually.
Competition is only fun if it's friendly. It can spur one to greater
accomplishment, but Chess competition, makes it appear that every
little thing will be a, “knock down, drag out,” war. Gary
Kasparov was World Chess Champion for many years. But at the age of
41, he had to quit competitive chess to marry, and go into politics.
OK,
Girls you can listen in again. I can't tell everyone what Guys are
looking for, so much as I can talk about unreasonable ideals.
The
unreasonable ideal that is usually set for us, is something like
this: Shoot for someone who is on par with you in the appearances
department. Shoot for someone with similar financial prospects. And
finally try to match intellects. Now do all three at once.
Randomly
observing, I think people match up by financial prospects first, then
within that group, test for matching looks. If intellects match,
it's just a bonus.
I
hope you can see that this doesn't leave a lot of room to measure
character, and I am coaching you to buck the “system.” I suppose
that the guys in the Chess Club took a look at financial prospects
and said, I'm gonna lick that system with intellect – “looks”
be damned. If you're wondering if Chess represents too much
intellectual competition, spend a little time finding out. I am not
so naive as to think they could tell you, if you put it to them as a
question, but get them away from the group, and shoot the breeze; see
where the conversation takes you.
Finally,
what does it mean to, “have things in common?” By application,
it means “Left to your own devices, would you two choose to be in
such differing circumstances, that you are not likely to get along?”
If He wants to be designing computer chips is Silicon Valley and She
wants to be a Party Planner, things are not so different as they
look. He can start a business, and she can plan his business
get-togethers. She can even make it a for-profit activity, by
starting a party planning business in the city. But on a first date,
what are they going to talk about? Clearly not how to design
computer chips or plan parties. At this point, it is handy to share
an interest in Show Horses or Music. Having common interests does
not mean agreeing about everything so much, that you are “two peas
in a pod.” Disagreements are opportunities to show identity and
character. If they were evidence that all future efforts to be
friends are instantly doomed, for all eternity, then what would be
left to talk about? Remember, if you can predict what I am
going to say, you needn't ask it.
What
do I mean by similar financial prospects? Party Planners and
Computer Engineers don't make the same income, yet nothing appears to
be standing in their way. Paint this picture. He is from Old Money
back East, and she is from Old Money back East, and they meet at an
Ivy League School. No brainer; she just happens to want to be a
Party Planner.
Suppose
instead we paint a different picture. His Dad is a computer
programmer, and her Dad's a truck driver. They meet at State School.
Still OK. But if she is from Old Money back East, and his dad is a
mere Computer Programmer, his motives are automatically suspect. He
might only be interested in her for her money. Even if his Dad is
nouveau riche, and her Dad's a trucker, it still is a long
shot. That is what I mean about similar financial prospects.
